Remember the glorious summer of 2013? The only downside for Mrs Jones was that the Airport Lynx Minibus Service wasn’t around when she decided it would be a good idea to spend a day at the seaside with her family and friends…
Wednesday 31st July 2013 (Mrs Jones is speaking on her mobile to Mrs Brown)
This will be such a fantastic day. I can just see the children happily singing songs in the car on the way and we adults smiling and waving to one another on our journey…
I’m really looking forward to this!
Saturday 3rd August 2013.
8:30am
I can’t believe that Sally Brown has insisted on leading the convoy. Her husband, Sid, is the worst navigator ever and you can guarantee that by the time we get to the beach (if we ever get to the beach!) they won’t be speaking.
Freddie! Maddie! Have you been to the toilet? We’re not stopping on the way. You have been warned!
8:35am
No, Freddie, we can’t stop at Swavesey Services for a wee. We’re already late, thanks to Roy Green. Really: did he have to insist getting a freezer box full of beers in that Fiat 500 of theirs?
8:57am
No, Maddie, we are not nearly there yet! Freddie, stop whingeing. You can’t need to go that badly.
9:00am
I have cramp in my legs. Did we really need all this stuff? Freddie, stop humming: it’s annoying your sister.
9:15am
Why are we on the A11? I would never have come on the A11. What’s Sally thinking letting Sid tell her where to go? Freddie, stop kicking your seat: it’s annoying your sister.
9:16am
Where’sRoy’s car? Where the hell have they gone now? We’ll have to wait in the next lay-by for them to catch up. Flash Sally so she knows. No, Maddie, I can’t stop Freddie from looking at you. Freddie, stop looking at your sister!
9:17am
I didn’t say ‘turn right’, you pillock: I said ‘that’s right’!
Well, it’s not my fault you’re deaf.
That $*@@#! Sally! Why does she have to drive so fast? No, Freddie, please don’t repeat that word.
No, Maddie, we are NOT nearly there!
9:20am
Maddie, I’m sorry you’re bored and that Feddie is making funny noises. Freddie, nooooo!
@#*&! Now we’ll have to stop. Urgh. What the hell did you eat to produce that, Freddie?
9:30am
I’m sorry that Freddie stinks, Maddie. No, there isn’t room for you to move. NO, WE’RE NOT NEARLY THERE YET!
Right, that’s it. If I hear one more sound from either of you, we’re going straight home.
9:31am
I SAID NOT A SOUND!
10:10am
Well, darling, I’m sorry there are no parking spaces! How did I know that everyone in the east ofEnglandwould be heading for the beach today? Where the hell are the other two cars?
10:45am
Great. We’ll need to collect sponsors to get to the beach. And we have all this again on the way home, but this time covered in sand!
Remind me next year why we won’t be doing this again!
Now step forward into August 2014 . . .
This year we have booked a 16-seater mini-bus with Airport Lynx for our trip to the seaside. More room for beach sundries, picnics and feet; the children can amuse one another on the journey; adults can chill together and have a laugh; and we don’t need to argue about navigation or worry about parking because that nice, professional and friendly Airport Lynx driver will do all that for us.
I’m really looking forward to this … I wish the Airport Lynx Minibus Service had been around last year!